Imagine if George Clooney wrote Ryanair’s emails…

Three weeks ago, I went on holiday for the first time in three years. This was a big deal. After many nights mining holiday sites, I finally found the perfect farmhouse. It was in a tiny medieval village, on the northern coast of Italy. Farmhouse booked, we found the flights to match. It was shaping up to be a wonderful, whirlwind, romantic wedge of a holiday.

Then I got this email from Ryanair:

You are shortly booked to travel on a Ryanair flight (your flight details are detailed above).

Please note the following important information regarding cabin baggage:

•       Strictly one item of cabin baggage is permitted per passenger (excluding infants) weighing up to 10kg with maximum dimensions of 55cm x 40cm x 20cm (your handbag, briefcase, laptop, shop purchases, camera etc. must be carried in your 1 permitted piece of cabin baggage). […]

Thank you for flying with Ryanair and we wish you a pleasant flight.

It was like someone pouring cold water on all those holiday dreams and saying, ‘You didn’t think you were that special, did you? People go on holiday all the time’.

Apart from the language being uber-dry, passive and robotic, there are also tons of unnecessary words (‘your flight details are detailed above’). Thanks so much for telling me that useless piece of information.

Anyway, I found out that I wasn’t alone in feeling let down by my flight company. Here are some other party poopers from across the board:

‘We really hope you enjoy your booking with us.

lastminute.com (I’m much more likely to enjoy my holiday)

Thank you for booking. Your booking is now confirmed.

easyJet (Do they need that second sentence?)

Thank you for choosing Virgin Atlantic Airways. Don't forget to come back to our website to take care of all of your travel needs.’

Virgin (‘travel needs’? Really?)

Why don't air companies make travel more exciting?

When I'm going on holiday, I'm the most excited I've ever been. I want to smile with glee whenever I get an email from my airline. I want a booking confirmation saying 'Congratulations'. And then I want party poppers and falling confetti whilst I'm waiting to check-in.

I want all the things that airlines used to be, when the pilots looked like George Clooney. And tickets were printed in embossed gold instead of being a flimsy, dog-eared printout from your inbox. Instead it's just all so boring. Come on airlines, try a little harder.

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