Meet Dave, the revenue protection officer.

Meet Dave, the revenue protection officer.

You’re at a party. The mysterious shifts and waves of mingling lead you to a strange man called Dave. (Not strange as in odd. Strange as in you’ve never seen him before.) He’s standing alone, and later you’ll realise why, but for now you shake hands, introduce yourself, and ask what he does.

‘I’m a revenue protection officer,’ he says.

You nod, sagely. You seem calm, but inside your mind’s racing. Policeman? Banker? Accountant? Finance director? Pharmacist?

‘Basically I inspect tickets. On trains.’

Astronaut? Whaler? What?

End story. Cue moral:

If your business writing’s full of high-falutin’ words, your customers aren’t going to think you’re clever. Or professional. Or experienced. They’re going to think of Dave. And nobody likes that guy.