The language of love

Before I decide to make myself comfy on the shelf, I thought I might give online dating a shot. Exhaust all possibilities before admitting defeat, if you will.

Apparently people in New York City have huge successes with online dating.

Apparently I’m not people.

Do you know what I found most astonishing? Not the pictures, or lack of tall men, or even the 40-year-olds seeking 20-year-olds.

It was the writing. It was not good.

What do you :) mean happy hour @ Be @ 1 won’t get you in the mood!!!??!?!?!!? :) All girls love it!!! :\ !? I want to have youre babies!!!!!??

(This was taken from a message that I actually got.)

Horrifying.

Where is the wit and a wholesome full stop when you need one? I long for the deadpan of a Wes Anderson film.

So gents, here’s a wee tip. Exclamation marks are used to draw attention to warnings and danger. Just think what sort of message you’re sending out when you include more than one.